"I'm off to school, Mama!" yelled Paul with his shirt on inside out, jam smeared on his face and his shoes on the wrong feet.

"Ohhhh Paul! Vat am I going to do vith you?" pondered his mother, as she fixed his shirt and shoes and wiped his face. She handed him his lunch in a paper bag and shoved him out the door. Mrs. Landers sighed a sigh of relief, as her problems with over for the day, but unfortunately, Paul's were just beginning.

When Paul arrived at his classroom, he found with much dismay that he was so much smaller than his classmates. Even the girls seemed to tower over him. However, Paul was much to excited about his new surroundings to let that bother him for long.

"Yay! Sparkles are pretty!!" said a delighted Paul during arts and crafts, as he glued various pieces of glitter and macaroni to a paper plate. "I vill make ze best plate in ze class!"

But his interest in sparkles soon faded as he discovered the wonderful taste of paste. He poured the oozing white substance out on the table, put his fingers in it, then licked them clean.

"Paul, vat are you doing???" inquired Ms. Himmermann, the kindergarten teacher.

"Ummm, nozing Ms. Himmermann……" he murmured with paste and sparkles all around his mouth.

'Ewwww! Paul eats ze paste! Paul is so gross! Gross Paul! Gross Paul!" taunted a curly haired girl from across the table.

"You shut up, Curly Girl!" Paul yelled and threw a piece of macaroni at her. It hit her on the head and bounced to floor. The girl started to cry and the teacher came over and told Paul to stand in the corner.

"Zis sucks! Zat stupid girl! I hate girls!" Paul stamped his foot and pouted while standing in the corner. He stood there until the recess bell rang. At recess, Paul skipped outside to the playground. And began to dig a hole in the sand. Paul was digging away, minding his own business, when suddenly this girl came up to him and kissed him on the cheek and then ran away giggling like crazy. A group of girls stood near by shrieking.

"Yuck! Ewww! Cooties! Now I haff ze cooties!" yelled Paul, while wiping his cheek off. He kicked the sand and continued to yell. "Stupid girls! Girls suck! I hate girls!!"

Paul tried to forget the traumatizing incident and went back to digging. When he thought his hole was deep enough, he filled it with sticks. Paul was quite proud of his creation and stood back to admire it, but accidentally bumped into some bullies in the fourth grade.

"Vatch it, you short ass fairy!" shouted one of the bullies. Although Paul was only half the bullies' size, he still felt the need to defend himself.

"Shut up, you Uber Slut!" Paul retorted, although he had no idea what it meant. This infuriated the bullies even further and they closed in around him.

"Zats it! Now ve smash you!" The bullies pulled Paul's underwear over his head, stole his milk money and then wrecked his hole full of sticks.

Then the bell rang and all the children ran back to class, but Paul stood alone in the sand, crying his little eyes out. However, one girl in Paul's class took pity on poor Paul and walked over to him. She tried to comfort him as best she could.

"It's o.k. Paul, zose boys vere mean!" she said and sat next to him.

"Zey took mein milk money!" cried Paul between sobs. Drool ran down his face and onto his shirt.

"You can share my milk Paul," offered the girl. Paul looked up at her and saw the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She had blond hair and pig tails. He got a funny happy feeling in his stomach.

"I'm Penny," she said. Paul blushed all over. "Ummm.. H-hhallo Penny," squeaked Paul.

Forgetting his new resolve of forever hating girls, he agreed to share her milk and followed her into back the classroom.

For the rest of the day Paul tried to figure out ways to impress Penny. First, he threw eraser bits at her. But that didn't seem to work. Next he tried pulling her pig tails repeatedly, but that didn't work either. Finally he decided that stealing Penny's favourite red crayon was a sure way to get her to like him. Unfortunately, she just told him to 'Smell Off!' and flounced away. Paul was left dumbfounded, he was sure that teasing her was a fool proof way to earn her love. He decided that he would just have to try harder and tease her more often.

During a game of dodge ball, Paul made sure to stand next to Penny and pinch her every chance he got. Regrettably, while he was busy pinching her, he neglected to watch the ball and it hit him in the head knocking him to the floor. Determined to take it like a man, he stood up and tried not to cry.

Next came naptime, but Paul was all out of ideas for trying to get Penny to like him. So he decided to run around the room like a crazed monkey instead of going to sleep like the rest of the children. Before Paul knew it he was sitting in the corner again.

"Zis corner sucks! Vait…. I know! I vill decorate it! Ms. Himmermann vill zank me for it!" Paul pulled out a big black permanent marker and began to write "PAUL" in huge letters over and over again. However, Paul was not very good at writing yet and he made his "P's" backwards and his "A's" were really crooked.

"Paul Landers! You are starting off on ze wrong foot, in everyway!" yelled the teacher, when she noticed what he was doing. Paul looked down at his feet, puzzled. "You haff to learn to pull up your socks, Paul!" continued the teacher. Still looking down at his feet, Paul began to pull up his socks.

"Nein, nein, nein Paul!" said the teacher in frustration. She grabbed Paul by the ear and told him to stand outside of the classroom door. Paul grumbled and sat down in the hall all alone.

After a while, Penny poked her head out the door and said hi to Paul. Paul felt his stomach go queasy.

"H-hhi zere Penny …. umm I vrote my name on ze vall… did you see it?"

"Ja, Ms. Himmermann is trying to scrub in off right now….. ummm Paul … uhhh… I … ummm… I like - " Penny got interrupted by Paul rubbing his feet on the carpeted floor and then touching Penny to give her a shock.

"Owww! I hate you Paul!" yelled Penny and she went back into the classroom. Paul was quite pleased with his new discovery of 'shocking' and added it to his master plan to impress Penny. Just then the home bell rang and Paul was told he could go. On the way home he noticed some worms of the ground and picked them and chased Penny with them. The louder she shrieked the harder he laughed. Teasing girls was fun! Paul couldn't wait to go back to school tomorrow.

THE END